Building a Team for Super Bowl 50?

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The NFL offseason is upon us! Meaning it’s time for the Chiefs to do a half-assed job of filling their holes this offseason and keep their unprecedented 45 year streak of mediocrity running.  With a steady pass rush and solid backfield, the Chiefs are focused on improving defense, passing, and the offensive line.

 

 

Defense:

 

• Justin Houston and Tamba Hali have become the league’s best pass rush duo. Drawing comparisons to beloved Derrick Thomas and Neil Smith from the 90s.  Well aware of how much they complement each other, Tamba Hali has even said he wants to restructure his contract to stay in Kansas City and make sure NFL sack leader Justin Houston gets paid.  This act of team play is not going unnoticed and the 2 linebackers went on a fun adventure to Sonic with teammate Dwayne Bowe as the 3 discussed the league’s new drug policy and how to relax and recover before training camp.
• Defensive lineman Dontari Poe made his 2^nd straight Pro Bowl this season.  The 2012 first round pick has clearly ended the Chiefs disastrous sting of early round defensive lineman (Ryan Sims, Turk McBride, Tank Tyler, Glenn Dorsey, Tyson Jackson, etc.…) and to show just how satisfied they are with Poe’s production the Chiefs gave a big payout and contract extension to teammate Allen Bailey who has recorded half as many tackles as Poe and is averaging 1.5 sacks per season.
• As an attempt to beef up the secondary, the Chief’s front office is sending CandyCrush invites to free agent Darrelle Revis to get his attention.  They’ve also sent Ty Law, Patrick Surtain, and Sammy Knight on a visit to let him know how great of a place Kansas City is for defensive backs to go get overpaid when they’re well past their prime.

 

Passing Game:

 

• The Chiefs current fleet of receivers might be the best in the league at not getting open but the draft this spring is an opportunity to try and find some new stars.  The real questions is can the Chiefs find a group of receivers who can avoid running too deep because anyone going more than 10 yards down the field becomes an ineligible receiver with Captain Checkdown at the helm. “We feel very confident with Alex Smith at quarterback, if we need 2 yards, he will get us 3 yards.  If we need 5 yards, he will get us 3 yards.” – Head Coach Andy Reid. 
• Many around One Arrowhead Drive are discussing whether or not it’s time for the organization to finally part ways with Dwayne Bowe.  General Manager Dorsey sidestepped questions about Bowe’s poor production the last few seasons by mentioning some nonsense about downfield blocking and being a decoy.  Bowe signed an enormous contract in 2013 and has been pulling in about $32,500 per drop and aggressively avoiding the endzone.  Proactively trying to fix the passing game, the Chiefs signed run-first gunslinger, Terrelle Pryor.  A 4-year veteran looking to prove he too, can be a huge waste of money.

 

Offensive Line:

 

 

• It seems like ages ago Eric Fisher was the #1 overall pick in 2013 draft.  Probably because in only 2 seasons he has given up more sacks and tackles for a loss than most 15 year players causing Smith to literally get his organs ruptured and letting Jamaal Charles and Knile ‘Lord of the Fumbles’ Davis to collect some unnecessary concussions.  Since entering 2013, Fisher has led the league in ‘My bad’s and apologies to his quarterback. The only good news about the O-line is that not too many of them are under contract much longer.

 

 

Other News:

 

• Royals are re-signing several members of their 2014 AL Championship roster to 1 year contracts based off the assumption it was a fluke run and they more than likely won’t be worth a long term investment.  Even Manager Ned Yost only got the nod for another 12 months..
• Tiger Woods is under heavy investigation after his game has plummeted beyond recognition.  Turns out during his unpreceded run of Championships he was playing with deflated golf balls.

 

 

Special shout out to Gonzo!  Due to all your requests we're back for 2015!

 

 

Billy Butler Joins the Raiders!!

Welcome to Mr. SunflowerBBQ.  

Your Home for Kansas City Sports Realism

 

 

 

Kansas City put together possibly one the best weeks of heartbreak in years!

 

Chiefs News

Alex Smith has taken game management to the next level and got promoted to Game Regional Director by Andy Reid.  2 late scores to beat the Bills, 108 yards and 0 touchdowns to beat the Seahawks, but his performance against Oakland quickly demoted him to Game 3^rd shift Assistant behind Brodie Croyle.

The Chiefs lost to the 0-10 Raiders. The Chiefs lost to the 0-10 Raiders. The Chiefs lost to the 0-10 Raiders.

Just when the fans felt they could believe in a real contender they went full Chiefs mode proved there's never a reason to truly get excited and gave plenty of disappointing topics for fans to discuss over Thanksgiving dinner.

Royals News

Long time Royal Billy Butler signed a 3 year $30 million deal with the Chokelad Pathetics on Wednesday.  He addressed the media to thank the fans but while walking up to the podium he tripped on a microphone cord into a double play.

College Sports

The Mizzou Men's Basketball team lost to UMKC last week leaving Tiger fans with nothing to eat but Peanut Butter and Jealous as they have to look over the state border and watch Kansas cruise to another conference title.  "But we're in the SEC!!" #1 ranked Kentucky completely blasted the Jayhawks on Tuesday giving Mizzou fans even more reasons to chant the abbreviations of their conference instead of their school. The Tigers haven’t won a conference title in Football nor Basketball in 20 years.  20. YEARS. 240 months, nearly 1000 weeks.  “S-E-C!  S-E-C!”  Is there anything more embarrassing than a program being so inept the fans chant for the teams who crush them during the regular season?  MU is currently trying to convince Chiefs fans to chant ‘A-F-C West! A-F-C West!’ to support Peyton and the Broncos on a march to the Super Bowl. 

After the beatdown Kentucky handed Kansas for the worst loss of the Bill Self era coach Self took a drink of water and jokingly said, "I was hoping there was vodka in there."  Charlie Weis and Turner Gill both showed up and handed Bill a bottle of Grey Goose, collected their paychecks and left.

The Jayhawk Football team had a chance to win 2 in a row and pull a major upset over #3 TCU as they led most of the game.  Then they pulled off a collapse on the big stage that not even Bill Self or Andy could have engineered better.

NFL News

Roger Goodell reinstated Adrian Peterson for eligibility to play again but AP turned it down to take the season off and become the ambassador for NFL Cares

 

 

Mangino's Back and Yost Loses Again!

Chiefs News
The Chiefs had a great come from behind win in Buffalo last week despite Dwayne Bowe trying to dribble the football when he fumbled twice on the same play.  Bowe said it was caused by his 3 hours of smoking pot prior to the game on Sunday morning. 

The Chiefs are getting ready to host defending Super Bowl Champion Seattle Seahawks this Sunday.  Fans are excited to defend their title of "Loudest Stadium in the NFL".  It's the only thing worth defending at Arrowhead because the Chiefs haven't had a Championship title to defend in 45 years. 

Royals News

Royals bullpen aces Wade Davis and Greg Holland finished 9th and 10th in the American League Cy Young voting, which of course means absolutely nothing. 

Ned Yost took 3rd place as AL Manager of the year giving him no trophy which should look nice next to his non-existent World Series Champion trophy.

College Sports

Instead of talking sports, let's talk Kansas football.  The nostalgia was flowing for Kansas fans as Mark Mangino coached the Jayhawks to a victory over Iowa State.  Fans were happy to have him back even though he was coaching for the other team.  The victory marked the 12th win for Kansas since Mangino was forced to leave the program for coaching too loudly.  In celebration of only taking half a decade to reach a dozen wins the students tore down the goal post garnering national attention as if the program wasn’t humiliated enough.

The Kansas Men's basketball team had a shootout with Wichita State this week leading to many wondering why the Jayhawks still do not schedule a game against Emporia State.  Bill Self said it would be classless to face such an undermatched team and embarrass an inferior opponent when such a fun in-state rival is available to compete with.

The North Carolina Tar Heels are under heavy investigation for academic fraud.  Investigators say it may have been going on for 18 years and some even speculate the 2 national championships won under Roy Williams may be vacated.  These allegations have caused Coach Williams to lose immeasurable amounts of respect in the sports world.  The Kansas Jayhawks honored Coach Williams last month at Allen Field House.

NFL News
The St. Louis Rams are averaging a league low 14 points per game this season.  Coach Fisher plans on getting advice from nearby Ferguson, MO Police Department on how to fire things up.

Officials in San Antonio met with the Oakland Raiders front office this week to try and move the team to South Texas.  The city of Portland has decided to throw their name in the mix, Portland is a city in Oregon know for craft beer not available in your state, underground music you've probably never heard, and recycled flannel shirts softer than yours. 

Grab Your Gold Gloves! The Chiefs are Going to London!

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Your Home for Kansas City Sports Realism

This week in Kansas City Sports

Chiefs News

This week the Chiefs found a new way to disappoint their fans by announcing one of their home games will be in London next year against the Detroit Lions.  Chiefs president Mark Donovan said, "We wanted to make sure we played the high powered Lions offense on field turf at a neutral site instead of utilizing our unparalleled home-field advantage.   We have the best fans in the NFL and we were trying to find new ways to crush their hearts. Taking away a home game is a big win for us."

Justin Houston is on pace for record setting season and with his contract ending this year he is in a position to sign one of the biggest contracts ever for a defensive player.  Rather than sit back and wait the Chiefs were proactive and offered a contract extension to Anthony Sherman (literally who?).  People all over Kansas City who have never played football are saying, “Oh my gawsh!  He is the heart of the offense!! Literally beastmode!! Jamaal Charles would not even be alive without Shermanator!”  When asked about the Sherman contract Andy Reid called a timeout, threw his challenge flag then said, “Jackstack for sure.  Best beans I've ever had.  Ribs?  Ribs, I would go with Oklahoma Joe’s.”

After a dismal 0-2 start the Chiefs are on pace to have a standard Chiefs winter with either a collapse in December and narrowly missing the playoffs making fans spend the offseason thinking about the Titans game, the 2 red zone chokes in Denver that led to 0 points or the clutch interception thrown by Alex Smith in San Francisco late in the 4^th quarter.  If they do make the playoffs it should be interesting to see if it ends with a beatdown like the Ravens gave them in the 2010 season or a collapse for the ages like last year in Indy.  Either way, don’t make Super Bowl plans and be thankful at least the Chiefs won’t drag us through the postseason to the bottom of the 9^th in game seven of the world series  with a runner on 3^rd to see Salvy end it in the most anti-climactic foul ball possible.

Royals News

Gold Gloves were awarded to 3 Royals this week, Salvador Perez (C), Alex Gordon (LF), and Eric Hosmer (1B).  Madison Bumgarner said he will use their Gold Gloves as urinals because he won the World Series and that's what really counts.  

Ned Yost is a finalist for AL Manager of The Year which could possibly put him in a category with former Royals Manager Tony Pena who won the award in 2003 then lost 104 games in 2004 and resigned midseason in 2005.  It should be exciting to see if Yost can follow those footsteps.

The Royals are going to hang a new AL Pennant flag in left field because they lost to the Giants and don't get to hang a World Series Champion flag.

College Sports

Kansas guard Connor Frankamp announced this week he will be transferring from Kansas to get more playing time.  In an effort to convince him to stay Bill Self called in former Kansas guard and National Champion, Sherron Collins to have a talk with him.  After spending time together in an elevator to show Connor what Kansas Hoops is all about, Frankamp confirmed his decision and plans on transferring to either Bucknell, Bradley, Northern Iowa or VCU.

NFL News

Commissioner Roger Goodell who is desperately trying to restore the NFL’s image offered a plea deal of sorts with Adrian Peterson and Ray Rice to re-enter the league.  They will be security this weekend in Washington beating up anyone protesting the ‘Redskins’ name.