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Your Home for Kansas City Sports Realism
The NFL offseason is upon us! Meaning it’s time for the Chiefs to do a half-assed job of filling their holes this offseason and keep their unprecedented 45 year streak of mediocrity running. With a steady pass rush and solid backfield, the Chiefs are focused on improving defense, passing, and the offensive line.
Defense:
- Justin Houston and Tamba Hali have become the league’s best pass rush duo. Drawing comparisons to beloved Derrick Thomas and Neil Smith from the 90s. Well aware of how much they complement each other, Tamba Hali has even said he wants to restructure his contract to stay in Kansas City and make sure NFL sack leader Justin Houston gets paid. This act of team play is not going unnoticed and the 2 linebackers went on a fun adventure to Sonic with teammate Dwayne Bowe as the 3 discussed the league’s new drug policy and how to relax and recover before training camp.
- Defensive lineman Dontari Poe made his 2nd straight Pro Bowl this season. The 2012 first round pick has clearly ended the Chiefs disastrous sting of early round defensive lineman (Ryan Sims, Turk McBride, Tank Tyler, Glenn Dorsey, Tyson Jackson, etc.…) and to show just how satisfied they are with Poe’s production the Chiefs gave a big payout and contract extension to teammate Allen Bailey who has recorded half as many tackles as Poe and is averaging 1.5 sacks per season.
- As an attempt to beef up the secondary, the Chief’s front office is sending CandyCrush invites to free agent Darrelle Revis to get his attention. They’ve also sent Ty Law, Patrick Surtain, and Sammy Knight on a visit to let him know how great of a place Kansas City is for defensive backs to go get overpaid when they’re well past their prime.
Passing Game:
- The Chiefs current fleet of receivers might be the best in the league at not getting open but the draft this spring is an opportunity to try and find some new stars. The real questions is can the Chiefs find a group of receivers who can avoid running too deep because anyone going more than 10 yards down the field becomes an ineligible receiver with Captain Checkdown at the helm. “We feel very confident with Alex Smith at quarterback, if we need 2 yards, he will get us 3 yards. If we need 5 yards, he will get us 3 yards.” – Head Coach Andy Reid.
- Many around One Arrowhead Drive are discussing whether or not it’s time for the organization to finally part ways with Dwayne Bowe. General Manager Dorsey sidestepped questions about Bowe’s poor production the last few seasons by mentioning some nonsense about downfield blocking and being a decoy. Bowe signed an enormous contract in 2013 and has been pulling in about $32,500 per drop and aggressively avoiding the endzone. Proactively trying to fix the passing game, the Chiefs signed run-first gunslinger, Terrelle Pryor. A 4-year veteran looking to prove he too, can be a huge waste of money.
Offensive Line:
- It seems like ages ago Eric Fisher was the #1 overall pick in 2013 draft. Probably because in only 2 seasons he has given up more sacks and tackles for a loss than most 15 year players causing Smith to literally get his organs ruptured and letting Jamaal Charles and Knile ‘Lord of the Fumbles’ Davis to collect some unnecessary concussions. Since entering 2013, Fisher has led the league in ‘My bad’s and apologies to his quarterback. The only good news about the O-line is that not too many of them are under contract much longer.
Other News:
- Royals are re-signing several members of their 2014 AL Championship roster to 1 year contracts based off the assumption it was a fluke run and they more than likely won’t be worth a long term investment. Even Manager Ned Yost only got the nod for another 12 months..
- Tiger Woods is under heavy investigation after his game has plummeted beyond recognition. Turns out during his unpreceded run of Championships he was playing with deflated golf balls.
Special shout out to Gonzo! Due to all your requests we're back for 2015!
